San Francisco, are you okay? Transcript

INTRO:

What's up, everyone? Welcome back to another episode of The Horth House. This is your host, Aly Horth. Thank you so much for joining me. This is a podcast for anyone that has grown up without one or maybe both of your parents and how the lack of that relationship can impact the other relationships you have in your life. Today we are going to discuss some helpful ways to stay positive when you have daddy issues or maybe when you have these stereotypes and these statistics that we talked about in the last episode, Aly's Ark. If you haven't gone back, make sure you definitely listen to that. It's very informative. Kind of gives you the breakdown of all the stereotypes and statistics that people, but primarily women without fathers’ face. And it's actually really sad. There's a lot of really negative things that we're put up against and kind of in our life. We have to prove that we are not going to have these things happen to us. And despite the fact that I have no intention to do it, other people have a bias opinion that I want to do these things because I am without a father. So how do we stay positive through that? Before we get into it, though, I need to say one thing. All right? I need to put out a PSA an. SOS. All right. I need to have a Morse code kind of situation going on. I need a secret code. I need the army, the Navy, the Marines, every person you've got. I need them. Why? Because I need to do a wellness check on a whole mother city. Okay? What am I talking about? I am going to say one thing, and there are going to be several people that don't like this, because I know several people that listen to this that are from this area. But I got to ask the question. San Francisco. Are you okay? Like, San Francisco, are you all okay up there? Because I need to do a wellness check on all of you. Blink twice if you need me. Blink twice if you need help, because this city, this city this city is not living its best like we built this city on. We did not build this city on anything except a lot of lot of just what the fuck kind of attitude. I've never been a fan of San Francisco. Never. Okay. I had an issue when I went to a Dodger game one time. There were some San Francisco Giants fans sitting in front of us. I got kicked out of the game because of them. We'll talk about it in a different episode. It's a whole thing. It's just no. So we're right off the hop. Okay. At, like, 16. Not a fan. Not a fan. No, thank you. No, thank you. Okay. Then when I was about 18 or 19, I went with my grandparents up to San Francisco. I had a few little issues at the time. And it's so funny because my parents still stay to this day. It's like, oh my gosh, San Francisco is like such a great town. We love it up there. Oh my gosh, we had so much fun on that trip. I had a fucking miserable time on that trip. Okay, I hated most of that trip. But anyway, so I went up there when I was about 18 or 19 years old. And one of the most core memories I have up there is a one block radius of the events that transpired in one day, okay. And they happen within about three minutes of each other. I'm walking down the road with my grandparents and we're going somewhere. I think we're going to like brunch to meet up with my family that lived up there. And I am walking on the street. All of a sudden I look to my left and there is an older gentleman, got to be in anywhere from sixty s to eighty s. He is getting a blowjob by one woman and another woman is stroking his face like he is a little porcelain doll. Like he is a baby as he is trying to come. So wow, that's a situation, okay? That's an experience. That's a situation. And that's someone that with a very sheltered child going to a new city and seeing someone get a blow job on the streets is just wow. That is beyond my skill set, okay? That is beyond my level of expertise. Okay? So not only do I see the man that is getting the blow job about two blocks down, I also have another man that is experiencing homelessness who is getting ready to pee in the middle of the street. Okay? He's holding his dick out. He's ready to go. He's getting ready to pee into the middle of the street. He looks to his right, he looks to his left. When he looks to his left, he makes complete eye contact with me. Okay? I am not prepared for this. I'm not ready for this. I don't know what to do. So I'm like, okay, whatever. I make a good like four second eye contact. How long is 4 seconds? 1234. How long did it feel, Aly? About 45 minutes. Okay. That stair felt so fucking long. I don't think anything of it because again, sheltered child, I have nothing to worry about. We walk past this man. As I walk past him, I'm about a foot next to him. He turns around, had not been peeing fully, held his bladder and turns around to me and just pee's all over me. Pee's all over my blue, like baby blue huts and jeans that I had. It's not like no flex or anything. My grandma and I were the same size clothes, so they were really her pants. So like I didn't care. I get to keep them though, because like now I got pee on them. Yay. Okay. They are light powder blue, like a sky blue color, okay? I already had an issue trying to find a pair of underwear that didn't show. Now I have to hide a fucking pea stain, and I'm nowhere near my hotel anymore and my parents wouldn't let me go home, so I am walking around with homeless man's pee on my leg the majority of the day, okay? So when I'm not sliding around in precum or sliding on the pee of the street, I'm living my best life in San Francisco at that point, but unfortunately, that didn't happen, and I was slipping and sliding on every freaking street, okay? That's how I made it on all of these hills. I didn't need to take a trolley, I didn't need to walk, I didn't need to take a bike or a lift or anything. All I needed to do was grab a sled and just take the precum down the street. Like, that's all I really needed to do. That's disgusting. But here we are. There's a few things on the list that were the absolutely the fuck not on my trips, okay? One of which is just I mean, it's just sanitary reasons, okay? I will say if you want to go to fisherman's Wharf, it's a little section, it's a nice little touristy part where it's down by the marina and they have Boudins where you can get really great bread bowls and clam chowder, and it's divine, okay? It's delicious, it's divine. It's my favorite. If you want to go down there, great. Have a great time. But I will say, if you need a pee, just hold it. Like, get yourself a diaper or just hold it because the restrooms that are down in fisherman's wharf, there's one it's the nastiest thing I've ever been in. It was basically like walking in a porta potty and not into a porta potty where you go pee. It was basically like walking through the waist of a porta potty. It was disgusting. I went in there and I came out and I was like, I honestly think I need a tetanus shot. It's terrible. So I will say, if you need to go to the restroom and you need to have a little area to go to, don't go to fisherman's Wharf. Walk three blocks over and like a block up and you'll end up at Ghirardelli Square. Much better restrooms up there. This is supposed to be a podcast about parents and growing up without a parent, but apparently this is all about restrooms in public and in San Francisco, so you're welcome. So speaking of Ghirardelli Square, there is a brewing company that's inside of there, and it is fantastic, okay? I had a great time. The atmosphere was great, the people worked fantastic. Service was out of this world. The drinks were great. I had a really fun time. It's me and then one other person, and then there's a space, and then there's Bobby okay? I don't know Bobby, but Bobby has become one of my new best friends. He's become my new public interest. I'm fascinated by him. I want to be best friends with him. I'm sad I didn't ask him to get his number. Actually, I would have asked him, but he was always on his phone. So let's break it down. Okay, first off, Bobby and I have the exact same outfit on. Hands down, exact same outfit. The only difference is that I had just changed out of my navy-blue Lulu lemon pants because it was a little bit colder, and I was like, you know what? I don't want to have freezing legs and be shaking and be upset about it, so let me put my jeans on. So, I had just put jeans on, but mind you, I literally had just had navy blue Lulu lemon leggings on, okay? I'm wearing, like, a creamish, like, ivory color jacket. So is Bobby. He's wearing blue Lulu lemon, like men's joggers. Love that form. I'm looking at him and all I'm thinking is, who wore it better? Who wore it better? Did I wear it better or did Bobby wear it better? Because honestly, this is a competition right now, and he is looking good. So my BFF Bobby and I are matching, and then I look over, probably like, I don't know, an hour later, and I see him going through messages, and I'm like, okay, that's kind of funny. Whatever. I'm not looking to see like, oh, my God, what's he writing? What's he writing? I'm just looking because he's, like, cracking up to himself, okay? He's at this bar alone, no one's around him, but he's cracking the heck up. And I'm like, what is going on right now? Bobby is going through old text messages and old group messages specifically with whoever, and he is cracking up to himself. Now, I just want to say, I don't know how long this thread had been going. I don't know when this started. I don't know how many people were involved. I have no idea. All I know is that this song bitch was deep in these messages. Like, deep, deep, deep in these messages. Like Mariana trench deep. Okay? He was so in it to win it with these messages. Honestly, I couldn't even comprehend what the purpose of it was, but it was so freaking funny to me. So anyway, so Bobby is enjoying his time, reading his group messages. And I noticed that as he's reading these messages and laughing to himself, the bartender continuously is serving him drinks. Like, Bobby's drink never got, like, more empty than, like, a quarter cup, okay? Like, he has maybe like, a quarter of his drink left, and that's it, okay? And every time he would get there, he'd start to get to that point, the bartender would already have another one lined up. His drink was never empty, okay? At one point when we're at this bar, though. It was hilarious. I'm looking at Bobby and he's chugging his drinks along. He's doing his thing in the matching outfits. And I look at him and he is putting in his headphones and watching the same football game that is on. Now, mind you, I'm cracking up because it's basically like the Super Bowl in this 1 bar, okay? Like, the sound is up. I can barely talk. It is so loud in here. But I loved it. I had so much fun. I was like, okay, this is a blast. Bobby, for whatever reason, puts his headphones in his game and is like 5 seconds ahead of the games that are on the TV. So he's like, oh, yes. And then like, when someone makes a point or like, score or whatever, bobby would be so much more excited. Be like, yeah, like but you wouldn't hear him. It was so funny. Now, mind you, because I did have someone reach out to me and be like, you should be more curious and less judgmental about that. So fine. Here I am. I understand that Bobby may have a hearing impediment or some type of impairment with his hearing, and I accept that. I understand that. I'm not judging him at all. I'm just saying from an outsider's perspective of a man that is like getting absolutely hammered reading parents’ group texts on a just overflowing continuous cycle to the point where he never looked up from his phone, okay? Had a matching outfit with me, never looked up from his phone. I'm literally sitting a seat over from him. I just want to say, like, hey, nice outfit. That's it. Never once looked up. Never once looked up. And I don't know how drunk he was, but I know by the time he left, he was fucked up, but he was never off his phone, okay? So I just want to point out he was a very fun person to watch. But I get it, okay? I get that it's not nice to say, oh my God, I don't know why they're putting in their headphones when they're at a bar, okay? But they're also at a bar by themselves on a Saturday night watching this, going through old group messages. I don't think Bobby is mentally in a really great place right now, okay? I'm just going to speak for him. I don't think Bobby is doing well. Okay. Bobby, blink twice if you need us, okay? We're asking you and we're asking San Francisco. Are you okay? Do you need a friend? Do you need to talk to us? Do you need to call me? Like, please? I will just slide into my DMs. Bobby, okay, we'll help you out. We will help you out, okay? Now, mind you, we've probably been at this bar for about two or 3 hours now, and I left for like 30 minutes. I come back because all I wanted to do was grab another jacket because San Francisco is a little chilly. Okay? We spend at least another hour to 2 hours at the bar once we came back, okay? So we have been at this bar for easily 4 hours. Okay? Easily 4 hours. Maybe five. Maybe five and a half. But we've been here for 4 hours at least. Okay. I woke up the next morning. I look at the person I'm with. I drop dead. No joke. The first thing I said to them looked them right in the eyes and said bobby never once went pee last night. I never saw him eat, and I never saw him talk to the bartender. But he wasn't using sign language and he wasn't writing anything. So somehow he was talking to her without talking to her. And he never got off his phone but he wasn't using his phone to talk to her. So I don't understand. So how did they do it? Is it like mind control? And then it clicks all of a sudden, just a light went off. He doesn't eat, he doesn't go to the bathroom. I didn't see him in the sunlight and I didn't see him speak to anyone. But somehow the bartender knew exactly what he wanted. You guys. Is Bobby a vampire? Is Bobby a vampire? That's the biggest question I have. Is Bobby a vampire? Is this Bobby Cullen? I'm just asking. I'm just asking. Is Bobby a vampire? Because I don't know anyone that can go to a bar for 4 hours. Plus, because he was there longer than us. So he was easily there for like four and a half. Constantly drinking, never one stop. Never go to the bathroom. Never eat anything like Bobby, are you okay? Bobby, we need to talk. Because I either need your bladder or I need to have a serious one-on-one discussion with you about what is the meaning of being unwell. Okay, because I don't even know.

BODY:

Eventually this older gentleman comes and sits down next to me. Sweet older man. It's got to be, you know, late 50s, early 60s. Sweet guy. We end up talking. His name is Dave. Dave is like the ultimate dad, but he's also like, such what the fuck? Energy, okay? He just he made San Francisco a time and a half all on its own. Dave and I start talking, and he went to Arizona State. He studied architecture and art. And now he's living in in San Francisco and having a grand old time and has a wife and a daughter and the whole shebang. It was great. We were talking about it. I went to Arizona State. I studied architecture. It's a whole thing. And I didn't have it in my heart to tell Dave that he graduated the year after I was born. But that's besides the point. We both went to Arizona State, and that's what's important here, okay? That's what's important here. So we're talking, and Dave tells me this really sweet story. And he's like, yeah, I'm here. And my daughter has her first homecoming dance, and she has a little date and went with her friends. And they're all at the dance right now, but I just wanted to be down the street in case anything happens, in case she needs me, whatever. I just want to make sure she's okay. And I was like, are you nervous? And he's like, no, I just want to make sure she's okay. I think she'll be fine. But we live like a few blocks sober, and I just want to be here. And I was like, oh, that's sweet. No, I love that. Go ahead. I thought it was really sweet. And so we're talking about all these things, and he's giving off such just sweet, intellectual dad vibes, right? One thing that happened at the end, though, was very sweet, and especially in regards to his daughter. He was showing my partner and I a picture of his daughter, and he was just showing us because it somehow got brought up like, what does she look like? Or here's a picture of her, whatever. Dave had been so upset that he didn't have a better picture of his daughter. He's like, I'm so sorry. Like, oh, I wish I had a better picture. I promised she's more beautiful. I wish I had a better picture. I wish I had a better picture. And I'm like, no, no, it's fine. She's gorgeous. It's okay. No, I love that. I love that you're, like, so happy and you have so much pride and love for her and you show that. That's beautiful. I love it. So I thought it was just really sweet. So fuck yeah. It's a San Francisco dad's like Dave now, Dave, I had to tell a good part of your story because this is where it is. Just like, who does this but like, what the fuck? Dave? Okay, so Davy boy, over here decides that he is going to have some just absolutely no fucks given energy. Okay? He is a sweet man. Very kind, very considerate to us. Just maybe not the best person you want to serve, okay? When we had gotten back to the bar, right before we met Dave, the bartender had told us, hey, guys, it's last call for food. The kitchen is going to close in the next, like, 30, 40 minutes. We just want to make sure we get the order and then get it out. And we're like, yeah, thank you. We just had bread, bowls of bootings. Like, we're good. Thank you. But like, no, so you're no problem. Then we're talking to Dave. We're doing a whole thing. We order a couple more drinks. Like, I'm roasted and toasted at this point, okay? I'm feeling good. I'm a little bit drunk. I'm like, okay, I'm pretty drunk, and I'm like, okay, I'm good. I'm like I said roasted and toasted. I'm a full blown effing marshmallow. The bartender comes back around to us and says, hey, guys, just FYI, it's going to be last call for drinks. Now, I know I'm drunk, but, like, what? It was, like, 30 minutes ago that you guys just closed the kitchen. Like, what time is it? Like, 845? What time is it right now? The bar was doing a last call at 09:00 p.m. On a Saturday night in San Francisco in the middle of October in 2022. So I got to ask the question I've been asking all night, all day, all weekend, all year. San Francisco. Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay? I don't understand what's going on with the city anymore. I don't understand. Okay, I just want to know, are you guys okay up there? Because who closes a bar at, like, 09:00 p.m. On a Saturday? What? In San Francisco, of all places? I thought this town partied. I thought yolo were up until the wee hours of the night. Like, I was told this was, like, the city to go. Okay, what has happened to this city? It's falling apart. It's falling apart. Okay? But anyway, Dave didn't give a fuck about this, okay? Dave didn't care about last call, and that's where it comes in. We've closed out our tab at this point. Okay? We've closed out the tabs. Everyone's closing up. The bartenders are cleaning in the back. They're doing all the dishes, and they're closing up all the bottles. They're putting them all in the fridges. They're wiping everything down. It's all done. Okay? Everything is, like, looking pristine. All they have to do is collect the rest of the glasses, put the chairs up, wipe down the floors, wipe down the bars, and they're good to go. Good night. Bye. That would have been what happened, but there are people like Dave, and they are just great people, great people. But like, what the fuck, Dave? Okay, we've all closed out. The tabs. Dave looks at my drink and goes, what is that? And I had, like, a fruity drink because I'm not really like I do like a beer, but I'm not really like an IPA hoppy kind of gal. And they had a lot of those there. And honestly, this drink just caught my eye. It was basically like a margarita and a strawberry smoothie put together with vodka instead of tequila. It tastes like a smoothie, but you were so hammered at the end of it. So I tell Dave, I'm like, oh, I think it's this thing on the back of the menu. It's called like, Strawberry Dream or something. I think that's what it's called, strawberry Dream. It's like this bright pink, like, fruity drink. Like I said, it's like a margarita and a smoothie put together. There's all this, like, fresh fruit in it. And then there's also like a pineapple piece and an umbrella and a maraschino cherry. It's got like a whole thing. Dave goes and points to our bartender when she walks by and goes, hey, can I get one of those? What? Dave, can I get one of those? When I tell you that our bartender's face went just completely straight for a second and had no emotion, she's just like, Are you fucking kidding me? You could see it in the back of her face. You could see it in her eyes, okay? You could see it in her face. You could see in the back of her eyes. She was pissed. And you know what? I'm with your girlfriend. You know why? Because this is what I call the 08:58 P.m. People, okay? I've worked customer service before. I've been a waitress, I've been a hostess. I have never been a bartender, but I have been a barista, okay? It's kind of just like a caffeinated version of being a bartender. Same kind of shit. It is insane. I have been in the food industry and like the customer service industry for a long time, okay? I did it most of college, if not all of college. We would always have people that would come in at the last minute. I remember especially when I was a barista, we would always have this one woman that would come in. I remember her fondly. I remember her order even still, because it was so ridiculously complicated. It had like 15 items. And this woman would come in at 08:58 P.m.. Sometimes she even had the balls to come in at 08:59 P.m.. And do you know what time we closed, everyone? 09:00 P.m.. We closed at 09:00 P.m.. And it was like she had a timer that we closed at 09:00 P.m.. And she needed to be there at 858 or 859. I couldn't handle her. And the fact that her order was like I just remember her drink had like twelve different ingredients. It was the most specific thing in the entire world. And she was so picky about it. I would just make it with a smile, but every time, every single time we close the door, damn it, girl. I won't say her name, but we just be like, damn it, dude, why? Every time, woman? Every time. I don't understand why she does it every single day. And it was like every single day she would do it anyway. She still does it. I still talk to my friends that work there and they're like, yeah, she still comes in at like 08:58 p.m.. But anyway, so these are the people that make you late when it's after COVID and you're already short staffed, okay? And you've had three other people call out today and you've been busting your ass. You were only supposed to be here for a five hour shift, but you've been here for eleven and a half hours, you're fucking exhausted, and all you want to do is go home and have a beer and watch some stupid TV. I totally understand. I've been there. I understand. It okay. When you have people like Dave, it is incredibly frustrating because you are supposed to close at nine and you can usually get out by like 939, 45 at the latest, maybe 10:00, if there's a lot of shit you really have to clean up and do. But for the most part, you'll get out at 930. When you have people like Dave that make you make a drink with 15 different ingredients that you've already cleaned and sanitized and done everything, and the countertops and all the other things. When you make us do that at 08:58 P.m. And we close at 09:00, we now have to stay at least another 15 minutes later, okay? So if we had to stay until 945, now we have to stay until ten. Great, we get paid. But you know what? I'm fucking exhausted today and I don't want to work anymore. I'm tired, my feet hurt, and honestly, if I smell one more freaking coffee or if I smell one more stinking alcohol, I'm going to go insane. I'm going to go insane, okay? And I totally understand it, okay? So our bartender looks at Dave and just looks at us, looks at the drink, looks at Dave, and just has this blank stare. And she goes, well, we already had last call. Everything's already closed up. And he goes, oh, no, I'll pay you with cash. And it's like time froze, and everyone but Dave was like, bitch, that's not the problem. Like, sir, that's not the problem. Apologies, but that's not the issue here, Dave, okay? The issue is what the fuck? You're ordering this like, 20 minutes after last call. They gave us probably like a 2030 minutes window. And genuinely, it was like very much towards the end where he was like, oh, actually, can I have one of those? It was such a what the fuck moment. It was such a ballsy moment. So our bartender ends up making him one of these things uses like, 15 dishes, and she says it like so angrily. She's like, I'm going to put it in a Togo cup, though. And she's like, that's fine. That's fine. I don't care. It was so bad. It was so bad. So we had that. Then Bobby leaves. Bobby walks out. He gets a beer to go, and like, I don't know how Bobby drank so much and just didn't go to the bathroom, didn't do anything after that point. Just really rocked my world. One last part of this entire San Francisco story, which I absolutely loved. I thought it was hilarious because this is what I do all the time. But my partner had never seen Lombard Street. And if you know Lombard Street, it's like this zigzag street that you can go down. It's like this iconic road in San Francisco. And my partner had never been to it, and it was only a few blocks up from where we were. I look it up on Google. I'm like, look, it's not very far from where we are right now. It's only a few blocks up. And it says right now that the incline isn't really that bad. It shouldn't be that bad. It'll be totally fine. My partner is like, are you sure? I'm like, yeah, it's totally fine. Don't worry about it. Just trust me. He's like, okay, cool. I trust you. He shouldn't have trusted me at all when I tell you guys that instead of walking up a hill to get to this stupid street, we were walking up a full blown mountain. Okay? What is even a mountain? We were climbing up the side of a cliff. Okay? We were climbing up a full blown side of a cliff. It was so steep. The entire time, my partner is like bitching about he's like, I thought you said it wasn't going to be that bad. And I'm like, I don't know what I'm talking about because I'm like, hammered. Meanwhile, my calf muscles are being stretched out like you've never seen before just because of the incline. It was so bad. It was so funny. I loved it. We get to the street, it's pitch black. There are no lights. He couldn't see a single part of the street, and he was so mad. And you know what? Forevermore. I am always the person that I love to get hammered and go on an adventure. Like, let's go walk anywhere. Oh, you want to walk somewhere and it's 15 miles away. Give me a little bit of alcohol and we can walk there in one day, like 100%. We can walk there. We can get there. We can come back if we need to. I don't care. I will totally do it. Why? Because I don't know what it is about when you drink that. The distance when you walk is so much shorter. It's just so entertaining. If you know, you know, if you need a walking, buddy. DM me. You know where I'm at.

So we've talked about San Francisco a bunch, but I think it's time to finally get into the actual conversation we were trying to have, which was the different tips and tricks that you can remember when you have daddy issues or when you have grown up without a parent. And maybe you have some of these stereotypes and these statistics against you. And so a few different things. One, this is kind of the second part of the Aly's Arc episode if you haven't listened to it. It's all the different stereotypes that we have and different situations and statistics and whatnot for people without parents. And that's an episode too. So go check it out. There are some things to remember when you are growing up without a parent or growing up without a dad. And I just thought I would touch on a few of them for you because these are things that I've learned through my therapists and my friends, my family, my own breeding, my own journeys, all the things. So one of the things I wanted to say was you're not alone and you're not like, abnormal, you're not crazy, you're not the only person in the world that's experiencing this. There are a lot of people, I'm talking like there are very many people, thousands, if not millions of people that feel the exact same way as you or that are going through a very similar situation as you. And every person's situation that I've ever learned about whether their parent has passed away, their parents in prison, their parent has abandoned them and left them, their parent was never around, all the different things. Every person's story is so different, but the emotions are so similar and the pain is always very similar. It's very much the same. And so I think that's why I always am really, like, curious about people and their parents because I'm like, you know what? It sucks. And all of our stories are different. You know, we're all different people and come from different places, but damn if we don't feel the same things. So just know that you're not alone in that. There are a lot of people that probably feel the exact same way as you. And like I said, thousands, if not millions of people probably feel that same exact way. The second tip would be, it's so cheesy, but the best way to go through something is to grow through something. And what I mean by that is having a more open approach and a desire for growth in your life is going to help you have a happier life and a more successful life just by not resisting the growth. And I think something that really helped me face that honestly, because I would always be told this, but I didn't know how to really implement it or how to let it stick or set in, was that if you don't do something right now, but you know you're supposed to do it, then you're just waiting for the time to pass. Because if you're not doing it right now, you're not setting yourself up for success in six months. What you're doing is you're postponing your growth for the next six months by staying and settling where you are right now, remaining stagnant, having a plateau where you are not really moving, not transitioning, not growing. You're just sitting in the same spot. And it's okay if you don't want to do it right now. If you don't want to do the growth and you don't want to do the work, that's okay. There's no reason for people to be shamed about that. You can do it in six months. All I'm saying is that the time will still pass. So either you fix it now and you work on it now, or you work on it in six months. You work on it in a year, you work on it in ten years, 50 years, 100. Either way, you're going to have to face the problem that you're ignoring right now. You're going to have to deal with the repercussions of things. You're going to have to face shit. And it's hard, and it's frustrating. It's sad, and it's annoying, and it's lonely. Okay. Yeah, I get it. I totally get it. I've been there. I've done that. I'm right there with you, bro. I promise it is worth it. And as long as you are open to the growth and you're not resistant to it, you will be more successful, because when you are open to the growth, you're not spending your time being like, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. And spending all your energy hating it. When you actually enjoy it and you're willing to grow and you're less resistant, then you're more positive, and you're not focusing on, oh, my God, this sucks, this sucks, this sucks. I hated I hate it. I hate it. You're focusing on, wow, okay, so, like, I need to work on this thing, and I'm doing this, and here's this, and here's this. Your brain is functioning in the way that it's trying to grow. It's getting rewired. It's doing all this beautiful transitioning into the next version of yourself and the happier version, the higher version of yourself and the best version of yourself. And so you're almost holding back your own growth by resisting it. And so what I'm saying is, just be open to it. Grow through it. Go through it. Allow that change to happen. And again, if you don't, that's okay. But it's going to happen eventually. So do it when you're ready, but try to do it sooner rather than later. Don't hold it off. Another thing I would say was every emotion and every experience that you have regarding not growing up without a parent, not having a parent around, not having a father, having a parent that's passed away, every emotion that you have about that is completely normal and is completely okay. It is absolutely okay if you are angry or if you're confused, if you're needy, if you're frustrated, if you're sad, if you're codependent, if you are depressed, if you have become manic, if you have just completely changed because you don't know how to deal with the situation, you're completely in shock, that's okay. It's important that you seek help. If you don't think that you are doing well, or if people around you say that like, hey, bro, don't think you're doing well. Don't think you're doing great, girlfriend. Don't think you're doing great friends, I'm concerned about your friend. I want to make sure you're okay. That's all right. And really make sure that if you're around good people that are watching out for you, watch out for yourself. But every emotion and every feeling you have about this is completely normal. Like I said, there's thousands, if not millions, of people that are feeling exactly the same way that you feel. And again, about different situations, but they can understand, probably, or be open to your understanding of your situation, but all these emotions are completely valid. But just know that we all feel these things. I still get sad. I still get frustrated. I still get mad. I still have resent. I like, you know, I have all these different emotions, especially around Father's Day. That's my big trigger. It's like, I hate Father's Day. I try to do everything I can to numb out the pain, to not think about Father's Day, to distract myself, to be around anyone in the world that will not say Happy Father's Day to me. So just know after almost 30 years, I understand that I'm still having these moments. It's shitty. It's crummy. It's not fun. But I'm right there with you, okay? I'm right there with you. One of the things I wanted to say that goes along with having emotions and then being valid and everything is that I've had people and maybe this has happened to some of you as well, but I've had people that have told me that I choose to be sad about the situation and I can choose to be happier about it. I can choose to do something about it. And with all due respect, I get where they're coming from here. They're just looking out for me. They're trying to be good friends and everything. Like I said, they're trying to make sure I don't go too deep. But these are also the friends that have two parents that grew grew up with two parents. And with all due respect, you guys, I love you. I love you. Thank you for looking out for me. Like, you're great people. You're my favorite people. And I don't mean any disrespect by saying this, but you all don't know what the fuck I went through. You don't know what we went through. If you grew up with two parents, you don't know what it's like to grow up without one of your parents as a child. You can be understanding about it now. Maybe your parents passed away, but you won't understand as, like, a kid. And that's not to play victim. It's just different situations. It's different stories. So the people that have grown up without their parent their whole life, I totally get your situation a little bit better, because I'm like, Dude, I've been there. I've been there. Have you all ever been the kids with two parents? Let me ask you a question. Have you ever been in first grade or in elementary school of some sort and have Father's Day come up and you don't know who you're going to make a Father's Day card for? Because you have a moment where you realize that you don't have a dad, and you don't know how to tell your teacher that, but you know everybody in school knows, and you know she knows. And then your friend that's sitting three tables over shouts out, Aly doesn't have a dad. And then your teacher has to sit next to you and have a whole chitchat about who you're supposed to make a card for, and you end up making one for your mom. Have you ever had that happen? If you have had that happen, my heart goes out to you because it fucking sucks, okay? It's not fun. Okay? It's not fun. So just know that, yes, I understand that I could choose to be happier about this, and I have grown up a lot through this, and I've gained a little bit more perspective and a little bit happier of a perspective through all of this. But it's still hard, okay? It's still difficult. It's just something that internally, I'm always going to be a little bit different and a little bit off because of that. And the shittiest part is knowing that I wish I would have just remained a little bit less self aware. Like, I'll be honest, I wish I was less self aware that I didn't know that not having a dad fucked me up so much, because now that I know it did, it's so sad. I'm like, oh, my God, I can see my whole life how I've sabotaged this. But at the same time, I can also use what I've learned and what I didn't get to do as a kid to teach people how to do better. And that's why we're here. Speaking of why we're here, one of my other tips is that it can be very hard to deal with these situations. Like I said, you could choose to be sad, or you can choose to do things to help you heal through your situation. And that is mainly to find a bigger purpose for your pain and use that pain to serve a bigger mission for yourself or a bigger mission than yourself and help others do something. Make your pain into your power, okay? God, I sound like? Who am I? Tony Robbins. I mean, god damn, I'm a Ted Talk speaker. Okay? I deserve a Ted Talk. Actually. It's one of my dreams to do a Ted Talk hashtag manifest, but turn your pain into power. Like, turn it into something that, like, helps people. Turn it into something that helps you to better yourself. Like, I remember I went through a breakup. I pushed through school when I found a new major. I kicked ass. I was doing all these great things. I went through another breakup, did it again, became vegan, started working out, doing really well, and taking care of my body. You know what? Did it again. Back. Get it again. I did it again. And here we are for the podcast. Okay? The podcast started with my own daddy issues, but it started with a breakup, okay? I have done the same shit. You guys, I've gone through this. I've had to work through this, and now I've had to turn all that pain I had into something good, and that's exactly what I'm doing right now. And I love that. But, damn, I mean, the pain is hard, okay? The pain is hard. And, yeah, sure, it's hard to sure, it's difficult to talk about vulnerable topics in such a public manner, but the number of people that have messaged me, telling me that they don't feel alone or they're so happy that I'm talking about this to normalize this or just to make them feel better or just understand people's situation. It makes me feel great. But it also makes me feel happy that you guys don't feel so alone because you don't deserve to feel alone. As I said, I started this because I was going through a breakup, but there wasn't honestly a place for women to talk about growing up without a dad. And we faced all these stereotypes and all these statistics and all this bullshit, but no one really had a place to be like, look, if you're hurting, come to talk to us about this. Let's make a platform for people to talk about it. And I hated that. I hated that there were men's groups and women's groups for women without moms, but where were the women without dads supposed to go? We were just supposed to get bullied and ganged up on and be told we were sluts and then all this stuff like well, yeah, I mean, if you're not going to give us a place in society to go, you're not going to allow us to talk about our emotions. No one's going to be empathetic to our situation. You're not going to allow us to get help. You don't let us have any platform or anything to talk about, then, yeah, of course, we're going to end up on the wrong side of the road, because who is cheering us for us to be on the right side of the road? Right? You get born. Hello. Let me just say it for a second. I've had someone that I dated not be able to date me anymore because their parents did not like that. I was, and I quote, bastard child. I was a child out of wedlock. My mom was not married when she had me, so I was a child out of wedlock, and they would not allow me to date their son because of that. If that doesn't remind you that things are fucked when you don't have a parent, things are fucked when you don't have a parent. And so I hated these feelings. I hated these emotions. I hated these situations. And so I turned it into a podcast so that at least if anyone goes through any of this crap, at least you guys feel better. I mean, I didn't feel better about it, but I feel better talking about it, knowing that I'm helping other people go through it and not feel the same way I did. And if you do feel the same way, at least you don't feel alone when you feel it, because that's one of the worst. It sucks feeling like crap, but it sucks feeling like crap by yourself and knowing that no one else feels what you're feeling. But I do. Someone does. The last thing I would say is that understand that being a fatherless child or a parentless child or anything is a journey that's going to evolve and change throughout your life again. You can resist that change, or you can be open to it. I, you know, try to be open to it as much as I can. I have been resistant to it. Let me be real. I have been resistant to that change, but I have grown through it as well. And growing up without a parent or losing a parent is incredibly difficult. I say that all the time.

And not everyone growing up without a parent is incredibly hard. Or growing up without a you know, growing up without a parent or losing a parent is incredibly hard, and it's incredibly difficult. And I'll be honest, not everyone is going to understand that. And that's one of the most frustrating parts of life and relationships, is that some people really will not understand what it is like to lose a parent or not have a parent around. And it's frustrating. I'll be honest. It's frustrating. Remember that this is your journey. This is your struggle. Be easy with yourself. Be easy with your emotions. Respect yourself for feeling the emotions that you have. Because why? Because all of your feelings are completely valid. They're completely normal, and they are okay. All right? You're one human. You're allowed to have emotions. You're supposed to have emotions. You're human. That's the human experience is having emotions. You're not a superhero. You can't do everything. Don't try to please everyone. Do what's best for you. You can't pour from an empty cup. I'm, like, full of all the cliches right now, but you can't pour from an empty cup. What does that mean? It means that you can't pour water on someone else. If you don't have any water in your container, if you don't have yourself being replenished and you're rehydrating your own self, then you can't help out and you can't give to anyone else. You can't help anyone else in their situation. You can't do anything else, and you get burned out. And, you know, in a sense, you die. But it's not that you actually die. I mean, potentially, but really, it's that, like, internally, you die. You're not there anymore. You're just like this robot of yourself. As we continue going on through episodes and stuff, I'll continue sharing my journey and how my feelings about my dad and him not being around have really changed my life and have changed throughout my life because I did definitely go from, like, a kid that, like, didn't think she deserved a parent and then it kind of died out. And then I went through a breakup and it re-triggered all this, like, abandonment stuff that I didn't even know I still had in my body, and I didn't even know, like, was still dealing with. I thought it was over with years and years and years ago, so that was definitely difficult. But my perspective about my dad has definitely changed over the last, you know, five years, ten years, last year even. And I think it's important to share that.

OUTRO:

Alright, everyone, that is going to be it for this week's episode. Thank you so much for joining me. I appreciate you all being here so, so much. I love getting to talk about my life and all the crazy things that are going on and also just about daddy issues and growing up through them and just not feeling so alone or at least making sure that other people don't feel as alone as I have once felt. So, thank you again for being here. If you can, please make sure to go and like the podcast. Make sure you're subscribed, rate it, review, all the things, and share with a friend if you can! And that would mean everything to me. The more you guys do that, the more we can get better equipment, and we can get guests. Aly can get a different sweatshirt besides her Misfits’ jacket. Because if you know, you know. And if you don't, you know where to go. Follow @HorthHouse on Instagram all one word. Or you can go on my personal Instagram page @Aly.Horth. Thank you guys once again for being here. I appreciate it. Make good choices. I'll see you all in two weeks. Thank you so much. Bye.